Stands of Thought

Here we are alive

the only space

we can speak about life

really no one Here is listening

to any of any

of anything anyway we say

when we do “talk” or “listen”

those gestures of faith

don’t do anything to enrich

what IS already Here

missed by us

for us all

any thought

was but for one moment

but then

it is just thoughts

not life Here & Now

only stands of thought

moving like clouds

then gone

The Opening in Myself

Now – here again

The opening as myself
Is revealed
To speak
To say
To ask
And most
To play

For it is the play
The touch
The reach
The place
Of this now
The time
of this here

to learn
we grow
and
grow to know
that of ourselves
we enjoy
to share

All that is
Here
Now
Is
us

OM. . . . MANI. . . . PADME. . . .HUM

I invoke the Path and experience of Universality, so that

the Jeweline luminosity of my Immortal mind

be unfolded within the depths of

the Lotus Center of awakened Consciousness

and I be wafted by the ecstasy

of breaking through all Bonds and Horizons

For Us

I see the fire

I feel the art

It is ours to do

Burn off the Heart

Falling deeply

Letting all else go

Holding true to the art

It is now we must do this

Live the part we are now

We are given this detention

Awakening before our Cross

Staying Open

Yes – vulnerability

it is our door

to free feeling

real life

we can’t have joy

or peace

or understanding without it

this is the core & true

Spiritual practice

we only need allow

be aware of

the differences

notice

the cramp

our fear

our fascination

with the pictures

which create

our illusions

our dramas

actually always

providing us

the moment to moment

opportunity

to chose

our true identity

in uncertainty

as openness

as love

Surrender to Love

To always meet in mystery

To play without regard

To give without thinking

To take without asking

To trust without reason

To feel without limit

To surrender to love

Last Request

Hold me and wrap me up

Do not let this time escape

It’s is only us again

Here we are

I see you so dimly

I know you are there

The time is close

We can hold here

For a few more moments

Take our memories

At First

At first I thought it weak

To cry this much

To allow the visions of separations

Of loved ones who will never be again

Feeling the loss

To never hold again

To understand

We can not change anything

We have to let them go

I now know God

Means no harm

This is just

What life is about

The births

The apparent deaths

It's so hard

We’ve reached out before

Always missing our hands

How long can we hope

That we will connect

Be at rest again

Allowing love to be present

Maybe it won’t be ours

Maybe we can never

Be at peace with each other

I hope not

Night Stalkers

Those of you who know

There is a place in us

We love to explore

And we know it

This darker side of life

The fun is

We know

We do not

Dance alone

We seek each other out

We see under the stories

For the playful heart

We know the dark side there

In innocence

We know it

In peace

We know it

As all that is

We are drawn

Into the space

And deep surrender

Guides us

Waiting Now

I am waiting now

For what I am not sure

I am frozen in a sense of fear

Not really feeling anything though

What is it I am waiting for

Is it a thing

A person

Some event

A shock of some kind

What is it going to take

To break the spell

To awaken me to my life

Am I really waiting

Or

Am I just refusing to choose

Are You Breathing

Before Now

All is dead

Only phantoms

In our head

Only now

Breathe

Only now

Breathe

Are you breathed

Are you breathing

Are you looking

Are you waiting

Are you breathing

Can you see it

See your reflex

Are you breathing

Are you breathing

Does the light

Make you blind

Do you feel

Left behind

Are you free

In your heart

Can you allow

All . . . to depart

Are you breathing

Allowing

The voice of my cramp

my narcissus

it will never be cured

or handled

or saved

it has to die

from the lack of use

by seeing it’s activity

before the mouth opens

to tell it’s lies

we are Consciousness

waking up

feeling our stretching

yawning

removing the egoic sleep

from our true vision

telling the truth

of our own form

of the ego's presence

it must be felt

it must be spoken about

it must be allowed to die

by our turning our attention

to the present

to look in all moments

for the place of rest and wisdom

it is there we only need turn

turn away from the story

of the dying one

to the grace and beauty

and free breath

and receive

who we are

then

tell others to look too.

Stuck in the Middle

In between the past and now

I find I am lost

I can not see

Where I have come from

Or where I am headed

This place

Of no place

This middle

Is muddled

A dark time

Of what appears

To be waiting

I sense I am moving

But I can’t feel it

My writing

Is all that moves me

Letting It Out

It feels alive and so free

I have not done this for a long time

It seems to be a deep part of me

I know there are friends who will hate them

I know there are friends who will care

I know there are strangers who will read them

I just like to write from no where

Petal To The Medal

I stopped by the grave the other day

Just to feel and remember

I wanted to cry

But the tears have been done for years now

I wanted my loss to take me back

To tear me apart

To drive me into the love I had for him

He was my friend

He was my father in arms

I know that it is said

He is in a better place

That makes me angry

I hate people when they tell me that

I want him back

I want to play with him again

I want to see his face

Hear his laugh

Nothing will ever make me feel ok

He is gone

So I leave my flower again

Night Terrors

I never saw them coming

They would just be coming

At first I could only hear them

I could hear them walking

The steps would get louder

I would put the pillow over my head

But their steps would be louder and not stop

Then they would take me

First they would take my voice

I tried to call my mommy

But no sound would come out

I would scream as loud as I could

But there was no sound

My hands would grip the sheets

And I would brace myself

They would then take my tongue

It would become thick

Then they would take my ears

And they would pound that sound

They would pound that sound

And pound that sound

Then they would take my mind

And tell me I was theirs

Then they would take time

And I was frozen in fear

And nothing would move

Locked in my own death

I would see everyone I loved

I would see them leave

I would only feel the cold

And I would shake

My numb body and mind

Then I would tell them

They could have me now

And they would leave

But I knew they’d be back

And I kept their secret

My Dark Companions

They have been with me

Since I can remember

But they are not things

My dark companions

Are my untamed emotions

I talk about them

Almost as if they are

My friends

I suspect them

Standing behind me

I deny them

In my gut

They play together

In my head

They reside

In my bones

I learned their names

When I was young

From the other kids

We call them

Fear the ruler

Sorrow the liar

Anger the enemy

Boredom the dilettante

Doubt the decoy

Discomfort the complainer

Irritable the quibbler

Restless the fretter

Discontent the child

My Mamma Said

My mamma said

Be happy

My mamma said

Don’t cry

My mamma said

It will be all right

My mamma said

Don’t worry - I’ll get you another

My mamma said

Here’s your lunch

My mamma said

Let me help you

My mamma said

I’ll always be here for you

My mamma said

Let’s pray before bed

My mamma said

Let me tuck you in

My mamma said

Good night - don’t let the bed bugs bite

My mamma said

I love you, dear

I miss my mamma

They

There is no once upon a time

They made that up

I don’t like them when they lie

I don’t like lies

Only fearful people tell lies

They lie to sound smart

They lie to look good

They tell them to hurt me

They tell them to punish me

They tell them to make me afraid

They tell them so I don’t know who to trust

They tell them to take my life from me

I hate they

Fear is Settling In Now

The fear is settling in now

I heard it would happen

I should expect this time

It is it part of my healing

I thought it would be easier

But it isn’t

The sense of the loss of family

The separation from friends

The regret of things

I would like to have changed

I wish never happened

But I can’t do anything

About anything

I am very confused

I don’t have a clear path

I don’t even want one

I have always resisted

The forms of fear

The hopelessness

The grief

The anguish

The doubt

The shame

The guilt

It is all coming at once

I can’t stop it

I don’t have the strength

Confusion

Who tells me I am confused

Do they know how I feel

Do they really care

How could they know

Can they see inside my head

Do they know my heart

Do I know my heart

Can I tell the truth now

Where will it all lead

Into the dark places of lost loves

Or into the warm memories of cherished loves

Why do I care so much

Why do I hide from myself

Where is any answer that matters

Irresponsibility

I am adrift in a sea of my own I don’t want to’s

Unconsciously attached to the mind of my own making

Floating aimlessly

Hoping not to be disturbed

Waiting for any storm of passion to arise

Waiting for any island of someone else’s needs to explore

Hoping for something of interest

Anything to distract me

So I can stay asleep

Fighting an urge to awaken to my own sensibilities

But knowing they won’t be of any use anyway

Yet liking the feeling of exposing the sin

To no one I know in particular

Not caring to be understood, really

Just wanting to hear the expression

To accept my irresponsibility

Chasing It

I can’t find it

I know it is there somewhere

I know it

I think

I remember something

It felt good

It felt relaxing

It felt reviving

It was my friend

But I can’t find it

Can you help me

Can you tell me what it is

I swear

I know what it is

But it feels like a was

Maybe if I look

I will see it

Maybe if I am silent

I can hear it

Maybe if I wait

It will come

Maybe if I ask

It will be given

I want it back

I have lost it

I will find it

I hope

Catastrophe

Who says it’s a catastrophe

Every thing breaks down eventually

Things are meant to do that

Accidents are not planned

Failures are only opinions

All that I do is try

I try to do my best

Even when I quit

My terror is not in the failure

But in the rejection

Adolescence

They say a teenager is an adolescent

They say if you are 18 you are an adult

How do they know

They seem to always have an opinion that changes

That seems irresponsible to me

I can always change my mind

I can do what I want

I can do it when I want

I care what you think and I don’t

Who do you think you are

Who do you think I am

I am an adult

Are you

First Love

Why do I want to go back

Was it really as powerful as my memories

Can I ever know it again

How did it happen

What is the formula

What did it do to me

Why is it so important

Actually

I don’t want any answers

I’m just glad I know it

Hither and Yearn

I have traveled to so many places

Soaked in the warm waters of the Golden Gate

Walked in the pure valleys of Iceland

Never catching the glimpses of myself while there

Only to leave with a feeling of having been somewhere

I do not yearn to return

I do not hope for another

I do not listen for the sameness

I only wait

In the grass

On the shores

By the wayside

For my children to return

Again and again

To take me away

To breathe me in their mouth

To dissolve me in their bosom

To break my minds grip on the past and the future

Not to move hither

Not to yearn anymore

In the Eyes of a Baby

In the eyes of a baby

Yes that is where it starts

He knew this

It is the primal source of conscious life

We are all breathed from this place

A place of connected love

Not of or for some other

But into the deep feeling mechanics

Of pure survival

The grip of God

The seed of the Divine intention

To grow the Universe

Yes - it starts here

And it requires the witness of that one

That part of us

That place

Where conviction

To the universal law

That we will do anything

To allow the baby to live

We are created to protect that

For that is us

All of us

All nations

All religions

All peoples

It is us

At the primal source

The source of the first

Conscious thought of God

Yes

That was God’s vision

To hold Itself

And see the future

To feel It's own creation

And to wonder